IT’S NOT THE MESSAGE - IT’S HOW YOU SAY IT

I don’t know about you, but I have seen two different people convey the same message with drastically different results. Many times, it involves conveying a company policy or procedure that requires change. In other instances, it may involve coaching a person to change. There are two components which determine whether the communication is effective or whether it creates resentment. The first is the choice of words and the other is the attitude of the person communicating.

It is very important that you have empathy for the other person. Help them to feel as if their opinions matter. Next time try some of these examples.

•          You can accept other people’s ideas and respect them although you do not have to agree. Acknowledge amazing requests and outrageous statements with responses such as: "That's an interesting idea."

"That's a novel request."

"What an intriguing question."

Then listen to what the other person is saying and use those questions as an opportunity for the other person to be heard. You can move to other topics afterward without arguing.

•          People judge others by their actions. This means you are being judged by the perceptions you create with your words and actions. For example, if you act angry, even though you feel otherwise, you will be judged as being hostile. If you sound helpless, even though you feel otherwise, you will be judged as being ineffective. Therefore, choose actions and words that convey the impression you want to make. Practice your message before you give it.

•          People judge themselves by their intentions. Acknowledge that the other person's actions or words are correct and proper (as seen by that other person). Even when someone's behavior appears completely absurd, that person most likely believes it is justified. You do not have to agree but try to put yourself in their place.

•          Everyone deserves courtesy and respect. Diplomacy gains more than hostility. It is always the best way to begin a dialogue.   When was the last time that you had to apologize for being courteous? When you treat others with respect, you set the standard for how you want to be treated. Remember the golden rule.

•          Everyone has valuable ideas. The most innovative and successful organizations recognize that everyone is an expert in some area. We all have unique talents. Effective leaders help other people excel at expressing their ideas. They ask questions. They show interest. They make the other person a star in their conversation. It does not matter who has the idea if it helps you and your organization.

•          Realize that you can always learn more about the other person's needs, priorities, and situation. Talk less and ask many questions. Always focus on solutions and results. Think positive. Don’t overreact. Remember that quick reactions often lead to apologies.   Start by being thoughtful and seeking to understand fully.

Think before you speak. In the case of social media or email think before you hit that reply button. Remember to accentuate the positive and you will be amazed with the positive results.

Would you like to learn how to change the culture with the way you communicate?

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or call 914-953-4458.